


Sebastian is a modern man

by Witness_to_my_life



Category: Bandom, Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Food Innuendos, M/M, Touring, brotherly teasing, food talk, internalised homophobia - ish, sebastian is being an idiot as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-08-17 03:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16508234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witness_to_my_life/pseuds/Witness_to_my_life
Summary: Dan and Sebastian had a big hotel dinner, and the rest of the band is teasing them about it. Sebastian doesnt get why. Dan is the most patient person on the entire planet, and Sebastian is.. well, Sebastian is kind of a mess.





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian is staring into space, mind mercilessly blank, enjoying the silence and anonymity of the airport lounge they’re currently at. Yesterday, they played their first show after a two week break. It felt great. Not that he minds having a break, but he loves playing shows. Watching the audience enjoying the show, singing with them, all smiley faces and shining eyes. And to top it all, playing with his brothers and best friend. 

“Liking the jeans?”

“What?” Sebastian asks confusedly Emerson.

“You’re staring at Curcio. For good ten minutes now.”

“I’m.… “Sebastian replays the last minutes in his head and yeah, it’s quite possible he’s been staring at Dan the whole time. But to be fair he looks really good at those jeans. Unlike his usual attire, they’re blue and quite fit. Sebastian is a modern man; he can acknowledge another mans beauty. So what.   
“He does look good in them. He should wear them more often. It’s not entirely our aesthetic, but, you know, Sebastian vaguely gestures, “he looks good.”

Remington laughs “Yeah we know. You said that like five times in a row. What’s happening brother, yesterday’s romantic dinner brought up some feelings?”

“What? Fuck off. It wasn’t romantic, we were just hungry.” 

“Very hungry, as it seemed”, says Emerson faking deep thinking, “you know,” he turns to Remington now, “you know when people are being particularly hungry?” 

“Oh yeah, that’s true…. But do you think Curcio would be that good?”

“Well, he probably could be, but do you think Sebastian would?”

Sebastian just stares at them, trying to figure out what’s going on in here. 

Remington laughs “Oh don’t worry brother, you’ll get it in time.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Adds Emerson, “Or you know what? Ask Curcio. I’m sure he’ll explain everything… in detail.”

Sebastian tries to think, but his brain refuses to cooperate, so he chooses to look bored and uninterested in his brothers teasing. After few minutes he realizes he’s staring at Curcio again. He sighs and determinedly looks at the artificial plant next to the toilets and pretends not to hear the light snickering of his brothers.

*

During the flight Sebastian can’t fall asleep. It’s a short flight, for sure, but why not sleep, when you can. Dan fell asleep right after they took off. He looks peaceful, mouth a little bit open, wavy brown hair hanging around his face. Even his lashes look soft somehow. Sebastian mentally shrugs, and opens his book to start reading again. But he finds himself looking at Dan every so often. Just a quick glance every now and then. Like, you know, after every other sentence. Not that he counts it.   
Dan stirs a bit and opens his eyes. Sebastian quickly looks at his book again. 

“What are you reading?” Dan’s voice is low, almost indistinguishable from the murmur of the plane. 

Sebastian looks at him. “Just re reading Invisible monsters.” 

“Again?” 

“Hey, it was the first book I grabbed while packing.” 

Dan smiles. “Yeah sure it was. Do you know there’s going to be third Fight club?”

Sebastian almost rolls his eyes. “Of course I know. What do you think I am? Uncultured?”

“Well, to be fair, everyone is a bit uncultured, in comparison to Emerson.”

“Ok, that’s fair.” Sebastian stops for a moment, reminding himself of the conversation he had on the airport. He is quite sure he shouldn’t ask Dan about it. Or at least not when they’re both sober. But he’s never been the guy to make good decisions, more of the opposite. His twitter is the evidence of it.   
He leans in closer to Dan and makes sure no one is paying attention to them. He talks to Dan’s shoulder, because he can’t bring himself to look him in the eyes. “You know how we had the awesome feast yesterday? The guys were insinuating something about you being good and lots of food, and I think my brain is broken, because I’m pretty sure I should get what they meant, but I just don’t.” 

He hears a quiet laugh and looks up. His eyes meet Dans. Such a pretty eyes. Such a pretty smile.

“Your brain is definitely broken, how could you not get it? You’re like the king of innuendos and when your brothers insinuate we fucked, suddenly you don’t get it?” 

“Wait, what? Why would they? I mean youre a guy? I….”

“They’re just making fun of you. “ 

“And you don’t mind it?”

“No. Not at all.” Dan says quietly, his eyes shifting.

Sebastian doesn’t actually hear him. He eyes are still glued to Dan’s lips, but his mind is somewhere else. His mind is in their shared hotel room. Projecting him images of Dan walking around only in his towel, Dan changing into his pajamas, Dan laughing after they ate mostly everything and sat down on the floor to drink their wine. Because they are adults, who can drink wherever they want to. And they wanted to drink on the floor. Dan’s hair was one big mess, and Sebastian remembers tucking it behind Dan’s ears. He is not sure why he did that. Definitely not because he wanted to see Dan’s face. Because he’s not… He isn’t. The hair was messy and it looked awful, so he had to do something with it, right? 

He feels a hand on his arm and he looks up. Dan is looking at him intently. “You ok? You looked, I don’t know, weird.” 

“Yeah, I am, I think I just zoned out, I guess. Are we landing already?”

“We are, in a few minutes.” 

They both don’t say anything else. Just sit there, both ignoring Dan’s hand that’s still on Sebastian’s arm. 

*

The day goes by quickly. After sound check Luis disappears somewhere to take a few shots with his drone, followed by Emerson, who says he just want some peace and quiet for a bit before the show. The rest of them go to find nearest Starbucks for some caffeinated refreshment. Remington stands behind Sebastian in the queue. 

“So, brother, another night of a big feast today, huh?”

“You’re an ass.”

“Oh, so you figured it out! I’m proud of you. Took you long enough.” 

“Well, because why would I think of sex when you were talking about having a dinner with Curcio. I don’t think it’s my brain that needs checking.”  
Sebastian hears a chuckle. Waldo is half hiding behind Remington.

“You too? What’s wrong with you people!”

“What’s happening?” Dan slides next to Sebastian into the queue and sighs. “They don’t have the awesome salted caramel cupcakes. I was looking forward to them.”

“Maybe we can go to another Starbucks”, Sebastian offers. “There has to be another one around.” From the corner of his eye he sees Remington and Waldo exchange a look. He decides to ignore it. Dan was really looking forward those cupcakes, he talked about them all the way here, so what’s wrong with him being nice to his friend. 

“Nah, it’s ok. The chocolate ones are good too. Instead I’ll take the salted caramel latte.”

“You really like salty things, don’t you?” Waldo asks.

“Yeah, salty is good in food. And bitter in drinks.”

“Salty and bitter, hmmm, interesting combination.” Remington tries to sound innocent, but is failing miserably.

“Oh for fucks.. Hello”, Sebastian stops himself as he finally gets to the counter.

*

After a little while they’re walking back to the venue, looking around the new city. The weather is still rather nice, and holding their cups, they look like normal tourists, admiring the architecture. Here and there they spot few people who look like they may be going to see them, but no one stops them. Sebastian is enjoying this moment. Remington and Waldo walks upfront, talking about Tim Burton movies, and Dan is strolling next to him, mostly silent, just here and there noting something about the city he finds interesting. Mostly about dogs, to be honest. He’s just excitedly pointing at one, and Sebastian finds it hard to look at the dog. Yes, it’s a nice dog, but the clear excitement and fondness on Dan’s face is way more interesting. His face is all relaxed, eyes wide, and he smiles so big, like Sebastian rarely sees him. 

Suddenly there’s a loud thump and Sebastian is sitting on the ground, holding his head. 

“Oh my god, are you ok?” Dan is sitting next to him, one hand on Sebastians back, the other on his forehead. 

Sebastian looks at him. “What happened?”

Remington sits on the opposite side. “You were so entranced by... whoever you were looking at, that you didn’t notice a lamppost.” 

“A lamppost?” Sebastian looks around still a bit dazed. 

“Yes. You were walking and hit a lamppost, because you were looking at something else.” Waldo stands over them. “Are you ok? Can you stand up?”

“Yeah, I think I am”, Sebastian says slowly as he tries to stand up. It goes well, and Dan’s hand on his back has nothing to do with it at all. 

When they check if he doesn’t have a concussion, and make sure he’s ok, Remington looks at him with a glint in his eye. 

“So, what were you looking at? What was so… important to look at that you couldn’t take your eyes of it?”

“I was showing him a Labrador.” Dan comes with an answer.

“A Labrador. Hmmm, that must’ve been very nice…Labrador.” 

Sebastian is reaching his limit of dealing with his brothers nonsenses. 

“How did it look? Nice, tall, brown Labrador, with brown eyes?”

Sebastian wants to punch him so badly. But he knows better. Not here, not in front of all the people passing by. It can wait. “Shut the fuck up, will you?” He reaches for Dan and walks away, leaving Remington and Waldo far behind. It isn’t until couple of blocks later he realizes, he’s holding Dan’s hand. He looks bewildered at their linked hands. Then at Dan. Dan is looking back at him silently. 

And the fuck what. He can hold hands with whoever he wants to. Dan is stroking his thumb slowly over Sebastian’s skin, and it feels so good. He needs soothing now. 

“Leave it be.” Dan says softly. “Remington is bored and found a way to make you tick, so he’s enjoying it now. He’ll get bored of it soon enough.”

“But why, and why are the others joining in so quickly.” Sebastian sounds frustrated now. 

“Because it clearly bothers you.” 

“Yeah, the implication the we are something more than just friends”, Sebastian raises their linked arms “it’s just.. nonsense.”

“Why does that bother you so much anyway?” Dan asks cautiously. “Is it the whole non straight thing implication, or is it… me?”

“What? No! It’s not you, how could it be you! You’re my best friend. You’re the best person I ever met. You’re smart, and composed, and you always know what to do, and you’re fun, and kind hearted and you make horrible puns and get offended when no one is laughing and you would rather chop off your arm than to hurt any animal and I love that about you.” 

Dan looks taken aback. He’s staring at Sebastian wide eyed, with his mouth slightly open. Sebastian licks his lips. 

“So it’s the other thing. You are pissed because people imply you could be, you know, not straight. That’s the issue here, if I’m reading this correct.” Dan stars talking almost whispering, but his voice is steadily rising. “And I’m really not sure if I want to be a friend with someone like that.” He turns on his heel and walks to the venue. Sebastian watches him go.

“Trouble in paradise?” 

Emerson is standing behind him, his signature smirk on. 

Sebastian wants to punch him. He really does want that. His hands ball into fists and his face is pure anger. Emerson leans closer. “Maybe instead of punching me, you should punch yourself. It might help.” And with that, he walks away. 

Sebastian is standing there, not understanding one single thing that just happened. He really needs a drink. Or ten. But they’re on in few hours and he doesn’t wanna play wasted. Instead he turns back to the venue and leans on a tree. His head is spinning. Is he really like that? Like what Dan said? He doesn’t want to be. He never was like that. He has lots of queer friends and he never had a problem with single one of them. And he knows he is straight. So why is this bugging him so much? Is the idea that he might be something other than straight so bad? He shakes his head. No that’s rubbish He is very much straight. But would it be so bad if he hasn’t been? 

He tries to imagine that. Really think about how it could be. To look at man and get the rush he gets with beautiful girls. To be with a man and feel the warm and cosy feeling he gets when he thinks about girls. How would it be to take a man for a date. How they would talk over some fancy food, both dressed up, both excited about what’s to come. To walk with them through the city holding hands, and talking till the sun comes up. To feel the urge to kiss every minute, because there’s no way you can not do it. He imagines the desire that would flare in his belly when they would arrive to the apartment.   
And then he imagines what people would say. What would people see. Two men, holding hands, kissing. How would they react. How would they look at them. At him. 

Emerson was right. He should punch himself into face. Because he behaved as the imaginary people in his head would. He did exactly the same thing. He did it to himself. People think I’m gay ewww that’s awful. But otherwise Im really nice guy that doesn’t have problem with homosexuality. Nice one Sebastian, nice one.

*

When he gets to the venue, everyone is already there, ready for a soundcheck. Dan isn’t really looking at him, and Sebastian would love to talk to him right now, but he can’t. Work first. 

Finally it’s over, and they’re walking to the waiting room to chill before the show. Sebastian quickly grabs Dan and stirs them into the toilets. 

“Sorry, there was no other place.” 

Dan looks at him a bit bewildered. “What’s happening? Why are we on the toilets?” He folds his hands on his chest. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t realize why I was getting so angry. I was being a dickhead.” 

“And why are you apologizing me for that.“

“I … don’t know. I just felt like I need to tell you that?” 

“What, that you are potentially a homophobic dickhead? Yeah, thanks for the heads up.” Dan is ready to leave.

“No wait”, Sebastian grabs Dans shoulder. 

“I mean yes, I was being a homophobic dickhead. I didn’t realize it, but I know it now. I was thinking, about why it bothered me so much when Remington joked about us being.. you know.. together.. and now I know it was just me being afraid what people would think, and actually thinking the same thing.” 

Dan turns to face him. “And now you don’t think that?”

“I don’t. I think I just never thought about it, and that’s why I was acting so .. idiotic.” Sebastian is still keeping his hand on Dan’s shoulder, but is looking at the floor. Dan moves closer and hugs him. 

I’m really glad that you feel this way. I knew you’re not .. like that, but for a moment, it looked like it. It scared me. You really need to think more before you speak, you know that right?”

Sebastian closes his eyes, letting himself be fully enveloped into the hug. He rests his head on Dan’s shoulder. Yeah, I know that. It’s one of my many flaws. But you can help me be better. I want to be better.” 

“Well, for starters, you can think of what you gonna say when we walk out of this bathroom, and Remington, and everyone else, start once again. Because you know they will. We are here for quite some time.” 

Seb feels Dan is chuckling as he says that. He hugs tighter, not wanting to let go. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. He says into Dan’s hair. But he can go screw himself. I am better now.”

Sebastian can feel Dan’s head moving slightly and he thinks Dan might’ve just kissed his hair, but he doesn’t question it. He feels all at peace. His best friend doesn’t hate him, that’s all that matters now. Dan steps away a bit, and they let go of each other, but they somehow end up holding hands and smiling at each other. Sebastian opens the door and leads the way out. 

*

When they arrive to the waiting room, exactly what Dan predicted happens. Remington looks up and upon seeing them, starts immediately.

“Oh, that was quick, we thought it’ll take longer…. I guess you’re just that good”, he winks at Dan.

“Or your brother is just that easy’, joins in Luis, which is a totally dirty trick, as he wasn’t even there when everything happened at first place.   
Emerson stays quiet, but watches them intently.

“Oh very funny, totally unexpected, we didn’t see this coming at all”, says Sebastian, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “But you can say whatever you want, I don’t really care. We are straight, and we are best friends. I’m not ashamed of being affectionate with my friends. And if you are gonna make fun of someone by insinuating they might be gay… who’s the problematic sibling now, huh.”

Emerson slowly gets up and walks to the door. As he pasts the two guys he pats Sebastian’s head.

“Well, brother, I would say you’re halfway there, but you really aren’t.” 

Sebastian looks at him questioning, but Emerson is already out of the room. At some point Dan stopped holding his hand, and now he’s staring at the floor, his hands holding itself. 

“Well, that’s awkward. But good for you for not being affected by it anymore, I guess.” Says Waldo casually, sipping beer, looking like he just got front row ticket to the cinema. 

“What?”

Remington looks at him. ”It’s ok Seb, you’re gonna get there some day. Now, will you please pass me the beer? Thanks. “


	2. Chapter 2

The night passes, then few days, and then few weeks. Everything seems to be back to normal. No one is making any food innuendos, actually no one is making any innuendos at all, and Dan is smiling at him again, and Sebastian is happy. Tired, but happy. Right now, they’re watching Ghost ship, that Dan and Waldo found in some old CD store. The whole bus is eerily quiet, as only the movie plays. Sebastian is quite sure Emerson is sleeping in his bunk, and Remington is only half paying attention, typing away on his phone. Luis and Waldo are on one couch, quietly watching, and he and Dan are on the other couch. 

Sebastian has seen the movie before, and it’s a good movie, but his focus in now mostly on Dan. It’s quite clear that he loves the movie. It’s no surprise, he is a horror movie geek. Dan is sitting in front of him, in his old green t-shirt, which starts to stink a little bit, his hair all over his face. He’s half leaning on Sebastian, bottle of beer in his hand completely forgotten, as he watches the movie. Sebastian is quite sure he knows the movie by heart, but that doesn’t change that Dan enjoys watching it over and over again.  
Sebastian leans forward, taking the bottle and taking a sip. He shakes his head a bit, tasting the beer. He still doesn’t like it. But it’s a fluid, right, they need to be hydrated. 

He knows it’s not the kind of fluid he should be drinking to stay hydrated, but hey, it’s close, and he doesn’t want to actually stand up. That would mean leaving the nice warmth that Dan radiates. Little bit smelly, but warm. He leans closer, wrapping his hands around Dan, and handing him back the bottle.  
Dan shoots him a quick look and half smile, taking back the beer, and then he’s back to watching the movie intently. Sebastian sighs. He feels so good. Dan is like his personal, just right sized warm pillow, and he just wants to close his eyes, and sleep. He had a rough time sleeping these few days, and right now, in this cocoon of horror movie noises, bus hum, and warmth, he feels his eyes closing as he drifts off to sleep.

When he wakes up, he has a face full of hair, that are not his own, and his body is kind of mushed into the wall. A cushioned wall. Also there’s someone crushing him into said cushion wall. But Sebastian is weirdly comfortable, and he’s not ready to open his eyes, and faces the real world yet. He lets himself slip back into whatever his mind was playing for him just before he woke up.   
In his mind, he’s in a real bed, somewhere sunny with lots of fresh air. The birds are singing, and there’s someone lying next to him. Sebastian cuddles the faceless body.

“Dude, you’re drilling a hole in my back.”

Sebastian reluctantly opens his eyes and takes in the surroundings. He’s lying on the couch, and Dan is lying there too, in front of him. And Sebastian is hard. He plays back the last few minutes of his dream and realizes he has been grinding on Dan the whole time. His eyes flew wide open, and he quickly sits up, which pushes Dan down on the floor.

“Ow” says Dan on the floor, looking up at Seb.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know, I was dreaming and there was someone in bed with me and…” Sebastian stutters.

“It’s cool, don’t worry about it. It was just slightly uncomfortable. Also you were pushing me out of the couch, and I wanted to stay there.” Dan adds looking at Sebastian reproachfully.

“Yeah, sorry, I “ he looks down at Dan, “I just… “

“Help me up?”

Sebastian grabs Dan’s hand and pulls up, but misjudges the strength needed and tugs too violently. Because Dan is standing up by himself already, its added momentum ends up in Dan falling forward, and ending up face down on the couch, with his crotch in Sebastian’s lap.   
Normally Sebastian would make fun on this, maybe even spank Dan, just for the fun, but not now, when he’s got boner, and his brain is still a little bit confused. And he thinks he can feel Dan’s cock on his crotch, but he’s not sure, and he refuses to be sure. He doesn’t wanna think about anyone’s dick, when his own dick is erect. Especially not Dan’s dick. Dan’s dick that he can feel quite clearly now. He quickly stands up, which throws Dan on the floor once again, and without saying a word, Seb dashes into his bunk, absolutely terrified. He closes the curtain tightly and closes his eyes. This didn’t happen and he doesn’t want to be in the real world now. He determinately turns on his side, tucks hands under his head and stares out of the window not touching his dick and not even thinking about anything remotely sexual. Broken glass, that’s it. He thinks about broken glass. 

 

*

 

“Wake up! Sebastian! Wake up! We need to start actually doing something.” 

“There’s people out there, and the show is getting photographed for some magazine!”

“Get out and try to look like a human being!”

Sebastian hates his brothers. He wants to sleep more. He finally managed to sleep for more than one or two hours. He feels quite rested, but few more hours would be good. He can do this, he can actually fully function today.

Remington grins at him, hits him with a pillow and yells “It’s alive!” as he runs away.

“C’mon, get up, everyone is eating and getting ready already. Put on your least smelling suit.”

Sebastian throws the pillow Remington threw at him at Emerson. “My suits smell nice because I actually wash them. Your hat smells like there’s a mold monster living there.” 

“That’s the smell of hard work” Emerson says calmly and leaves. 

Sebastian groans, but gets out of his bunk to grab something in the kitchen and then put on something nice. He’s filling in his head through all of his suit options, imagining how it’s gonna look on stage. Emerson with his jewelry and hats and frilly shirts, Remington, dark and edgy, himself in the striped suit, with nice leopard print scarf around his neck, Waldo with his red and black striped aesthetic and awesome hat and shoes combo… and then he imagines Dan. In his favorite green ratty t-shirt. Or maybe it’ll be the tie die black and yellow t-shirt. Oh god, this can’t happen. Sebastians hand with a tea stops halfway to his mouth. This cannot happen. Their fans are used to it, they like Dan’s t-shirts, but there’s no way Sebastian allows to have their photos taken for some music article, where Dan is wearing t-shirt. It throws the whole balance off. He puts the tea down on the counter and runs out of the bus, where he crashes into smoking Austin, Dan and Brendon. He grabs Dan’s hand and urges him to move.

“Come with me. Now!”

As they rush to the clothes section of their tour bus, Sebastian thinks he hears a faint whistle and then hushed shushing, but he can’t be sure. He is a man on a mission now.

They stop in front of the rack of Sebastian’s suits and shirts. 

“Are you having a fashion crisis? Do you want me to help to burn these?” Dan smirks and he vaguely gestures at the clothes.

Sebastian eyes him for a bit, and then very deliberately punches Dan’s arm. “I am trying to make you look at least a bit presentable for today, so you shut your mouth, and let me do the work.”

Dan leans on the side of the bus. “Ok, go on, I like to see you try. And by the way, my fashion choices are great, you are just a bit of a poser.”

“How dare you” says Sebastian, voice muffled by suits. Then he emerges from the rack of suits holding a hanger with his leopard print shirt.   
“You’re gonna wear this tonight.”

“And why would I do that?”

“There’s gonna be some photographer from a music magazine, and you need to match the band, I’m not letting you play in your uglyass t-shirts tonight, there’s no way.”

Sebastian is waving his hands all around, making the shirt fly and getting caught on the rack again.

Dan gently untangles the shirt, taking it from Seb.

“Ok, I will wear it”, Dan agrees seeing the distress in Sebastians eyes.

Sebastian smiles and gestures towards the shirt “Put it on!”

“Now?”

“Of course! I have to see if it’s any good.”

Dan takes off his t-shirt.  
Sebastian watches. He’s seen Dan without a shirt many times, but he’s never actually looked. Now he’s looking. He sees the dark nipples, the soft tummy, and his skin just looks so inviting. Sebastian gets sudden urge to touch it. He slowly reaches his hand toward Dan’s body.  
Dan puts on the shirt and his skin disappears form Sebastian’s eyes. Sebastian reluctantly puts his hand down.

“So? What do you think?”

Sebastian thinks that he wants to touch Dan’s nipples, ran his hand over the smooth soft skin of his stomach. His mind races. This is not what he should be thinking. 

“Is it that bad?” Dan asks teasingly.

“What?” Sebastian shakes his head. “No, you… you look good, you look great, I have to go.” He almost trips over his words, and he quickly walks away from Dan. He doesn’t know where he’s going, only that he wants to be as far away from Dan as possible. Not for long, because there’s soundcheck in a bit, and then the show, but at least for now. He can’t have these thoughts. Not about a bandmate. Not about any mate.

Sebastian leans on a nearest wall and closes his eyes. He needs just a moment to breath, just a moment of clarity. What did just happen? But he knows what just happened. And it wasn’t the first time. He knows that too. That’s why his band has been making fun of him before. And he was genuinely confused at the time. But he did have time to think. Not that he wanted to think about it. But it happens when you’re trapped in a metal cage on long rides, with only few people. You will spend unnecessary amount of time in your bunk, just in order to not see the others for a bit. And he had dreams. Many dreams. And as much as he doesn’t want to admit, he did have boners. But he could still contribute them to the dreams. And dreams were just dreams right? He sees the same people over and over, its natural they appear in his dreams, right? But this time, this was different. This wasn’t a dream, this wasn’t a made up scenario, this was very real. This was him wanting to touch his best friend in a very not strictly friends way. He wanted to feel the skin under his fingers, to taste it with his tongue.

Sebastian groans. He can’t have a sexuality crisis now! He’s 26! He knows what he wants and what he likes. But his body seems to disagree with him, supplying him images and ideas about Dan’s tall body, how he would taste, how he would feel pressed against him, how he would sound if Sebastian thread his fingers in to his hair….

There’s a sound of footsteps approaching, and Sebastian quickly tries to move into a position that won’t show his rather obvious boner to anyone who’s probably coming to get him. Unfortunately, his tight suit pants aren’t very benevolent, so Sebastian quickly discards his suit jacket, and holds it in his hand in front of his crotch, trying to look as nonchalant as ever.

“Hey brother! Whatcha doing?” Remington leans on the wall next to Sebastian. 

“Just, you know”, Sebastian gestures, ”admiring nature.”

Remington looks at the surroundings which consists of a dirty street, dumpster and sad grey walls on both sides. “Nature. Sure.”

Sebastian shrugs.

“No but seriously, are you ok? Dan said you kind of ran away. He was worried.”

“So he sent you? What, is he afraid of me now?” Sebastian slightly raises his voice, not even noticing that.

“Well, yes, he thought that since you ran away when you were with him, talking to someone else might help? Why did you run away even? Did he do something? “

Sebastian closes his eyes. It wasn’t Dan’s fault. He didn’t do anything. And that was the problem. Sebastian wishes he did. 

He sighs. “Do you remember few weeks back, when you were making fun of me and Dan?”

“Yes.”

“You might’ve been onto something.” Sebastian’s eyes are still closed. He refuses to acknowledge this situation. This isn’t happening. This is just his dream. He’s talking to a dream Remington now. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder, and then Remington stirs him toward himself and hugs him. Sebastian kinda hates him now, because it feels too real.

Remington doesn’t say anything, but he’s not letting go either. Sebastian lets himself be hugged. He rests his head on Remington’s shoulder. 

“I can’t be.. I’m not.. I’ve never…”

“But you do now. And that’s what matters. You do now, right?” Remington’s voice is muffled by Sebastian’s hair.

“Yeah,” Sebastian sighs into Remington’s jacket. “I do. I do, I really like him. But I .. why.”

Remington back away slightly and makes sure Sebastian can see his eyes. 

“There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

Sebastian bows his head down, but Remington can see a hint of a smile. They hug again.


	3. Chapter 3

They’re all huddled in the tiny room, waiting to get on stage. Remington is jumping up and down, Emerson is absentmindedly drumming onto a couch, Waldo is stretching his arms, and Daniel is mussing his hair. He is wearing Sebastian’s leopard shirt with two top buttons unbuttoned, his golden cross necklace visible. He looks absolutely beautiful. Sebastian touches Dan’s arm, that’s about to muss his hair some more. 

“Hey, you look great, you got it.”

“I don’t know I don’t feel the best in the shirt. It’s yours aesthetics, not mine, I feel...weird.”

“Weird is good, you know.” Sebastian smiles. 

“Yeah Dan, you look good”, Emerson joins in. “But I think Sebastian is a bit out of his usual game. Look at him. Something is missing.”

“Yeah, I agree”, Remington turns to them and produces a leopard print scarf from his pocket that Sebastian recognizes as his own. “So what about putting on this scarf. And you will even match Dan, isn’t that fun.”

Sebastian wants to glare at both of his brothers, but he’s feeling something that is stopping him. He guesses its emotions. Those bastards. Waldo takes the scarf from Remington and ties it around Sebastian’s neck. 

“Now look at you, that’s what was missing from your outfit today. Now let’s go, were on.” 

*

During the whole show Sebastian looks at Dan as much as he can. He walks to him on any occasion so they can play together, so he can smile at him. He feels the scarf around his neck. He knows it’s the same print as the shirt Dan is wearing. He is feeling something that he can’t quite describe, but it’s a good feeling. He likes it. He likes that the fans can see them, see they’re matching. Everyone can see that. Sebastian’s eyes sparkle as he walks up to Dan once again and presses his forehead to Dan’s. The fans scream louder. Dan smiles. Sebastian is happy. 

*

The show is over. They are back in the bus, driving through the night to another destination. Mostly everyone has changed into less sweaty clothes now, and they are just lounging around, talking shit, and throwing stuff at each other. Because they can. Because they just finished another great show. They might be tired, and half sick, but after show high is still very real. The only constant in this chaos of bodies is Dan, sitting on his usual spot on sofa, with the sweat drenched shirt still on him. His eyes are closed, and he looks relaxed. He also looks utterly ridiculous, because his attire consists of the leopard print shirt and his favourite yellow trunks, and he has one sock on. Sebastian is trying to understand how did this happen. Why would you take off just one sock, and why on earth would anyone stay in the stage clothes longer than needed to be.

“Staring again? I thought staring days are over.” Emerson nudges Sebastian.

“I just… I don’t get it. Look at him? Look at what he’s wearing? Why?” Sebastian gestures with his hands wildly and almost spills his precious gin on Luis. Luis just points his camera on him.

“What do you think of it Luis.” Sebastian continues. “Look at him. Just …” more hand gestures, “look at him!” He takes a sip of gin and continues. Luis points the camera on Dan now. 

“Where’s his second sock?” 

Luis zooms in on Dan’s feet.

“And why is he still in that shirt?”

Luis pans the camera up for a quick shot on Dan, and then slowly turns the camera on Sebastian. Even through the lens Sebastian can feel Luis’s stare. He stares back, trying to figure out what’s happening. The camera zooms in on Sebastian’s face, and then slowly pans down to his neck. Sebastian touches his neck. And it’s still there. The leopard print scarf Waldo put around his neck before the show. It’s all wet now, partly from sweat, partly from the water Sebastian chug over himself. He changed all of his clothes, but forgot about the scarf. Luis lowers the camera, and walks to sit next to Remington on the couch.  
And so what. So he forgot to take off his scarf. He wears scarfs all the time. They all do. Sebastian intends to make them the new fashion trend. All the fashion modern man will be wearing them. He drinks some more, defiantly tugs on it, to make the not tighter and goes sit next to Dan. The missing sock is bothering him. 

“Curcio!” He says loudly as he unceremoniously dumps next to him. Dan open his eyes quickly, obviously disturbed from his previous state. “Curcio. Where’s your other sock. “

Dan looks down. “I don’t know. It might be in my bunk. Or somewhere else.” Dan nods his head to himself. “Yeah, I think it’s definitely somewhere else.”  
They both stare at the bare foot. 

“You need socks. Your foot is gonna get cold, and then you’ll be cold and then you won’t be able to play.” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works”, Dan laughs.

“It one hundred percent is how it works. You need warm feet.” Sebastian replies and realizes, that he may be a bit drunker than he initially thought he is. His thoughts are kind of looping right now. Warm foot is the center of his thinking, which is ridiculous. But Dan is gonna get cold and that’s not nice. Sebastian doesn’t want that to happen, so he grabs the sock bare foot and puts it on his lap. Which makes Dan wobble and half fall on his side. Now he’s leaning on the counter, one foot on the ground, other in Sebastian’s lap. Sebastian reaches for his gin, to take a sip, and Dan uses the opportunity to take his leg of Sebs lap, and tuck both of them under his thighs. Remington makes fake gagging noises.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just jealous that no one will warm his feet.”

“Unlike you fucking weirdoes I have my socks and boots on, so my feet are absolutely fine.”

“And smelly.” Sebastian amends.

“I’ll show you smelly” Remington starts to take his shoes off, but is quickly stopped by Luis.

“Don’t let him take off his shoes, he’s been wearing them the whole day, it’s gonna be catastrophe” yells Emerson from the other side of the bus.

“He needs to take them off outside” Waldo jumps out of his bunk. 

“Noooo” Remington cries out as he wags and fidgets and tries to escape the three guys who are bodily escorting him outside to stop the biochemical hazard. Both guys on a couch laugh as they hear Remington presumably smashing his head or other body part into the bus in futile effort to escape. Bus door slams and Sebastian and Dan are left by themselves on the couch. Dan wiggles his toes slightly and Sebastian reaches and puts his hand on Dan’s knee. 

He can’t help but look at Dan. His crazy hair, and pretty eyes, and the way the leopard print shirt accentuates his broad shoulders, and in V neck he sees the gold cross Dan wears, and a little bit of chest hair, and Sebastian is lost. 

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m just, you know.. This shirt looks really good on you. Like really good.” Sebastian moves his hand on Dan’s knee a bit. Almost stroking his thigh. “I like it. I like it very much.“

“And we match!” Dan moves his body closer to Seb, and takes a hold of his scarf, stroking it in between his fingers in the same rhythm as Sebastian is stroking his thigh. 

“Yeah.. we match… “ Sebastian breathes out. 

“I’m going to do something, and if I’m wrong, please let me forget about it, but…” Dan tugs on the scarf and Sebastian closes his eyes and lets himself to be led closer to Dan’s face. And then he feels a soft pressure of Dan’s lips on his. In a second, it’s gone. Sebastian opens his eyes. Dan is looking at him, his eyes all big and questioning. “Is this ok?”  
“Yes! Why did you stop?” This is not exactly what Sebastian had in mind, but his mouth beat his brain to it. And it seems to be the answer Dan wanted to hear. He tugs back at the scarf and this time, there are no soft closed lips. There is wet hot mouth, and a willing tongue. Such a talented tongue. Sebastian threads his fingers into Dan’s hair. Dan shifts so his legs are not in the way anymore, which Sebastian greatly appreciates, as Dan now holds him close and it’s absolutely perfect. Sebastian slips his hand under Dan’s shirt, and feels all the soft warm flesh, and Dan arches into that touch as Sebastian licks into his mouth, promising to himself to never stop this kiss. They are blind to the world around them, concentrating only at the way their bodies are connected and how good that feels, trying to get closer and closer, to meet more flesh, to taste more skin. 

“Great, so now not only no girl is safe, but no boy to?” Remington sighs.

Emerson looks at Remington judgingly. “Let’s be inclusive here – no person is safe from Sebastian” 

“What’s happening” Waldo walks in and sees Dan and Seb still hugging each other, with an obvious make out hair. “Oh, great.“ He points a finger at them. “No fucking on the bus. Or at least, no fucking on the bus when I can hear you. I really don’t need that.” He shakes his head and heads for his bunk. 

“Well”, Sebastian gets up, and holds his hand for Dan to take “I think we’ll go for a walk for a bit.”

They walk outside followed by wolf whistles. Once outside, Sebastian walks to the end of the bus and leans on it.   
“What was that about?”

“I just do not want to deal with them right now. And plus, it’s a beautiful night.” 

Dan lets their hand separate. “You didn’t wanna deal with them… for now or?” He looks at Sebastian questioningly. 

“What do you mean?”

“Is this, whatever happened there, gonna be a problem? For them? For you?” 

Sebastian pulls Dan closer by his shirt, breathing hotly on his face. “Does this seem a problem to you?”

Dan pushes back. “Seb, you know well what I mean. I never thought this would happen. Any time we did anything that could be considered romantic and couple things, you would just say that ’You’re a modern man’, and modern man show their feelings to their best friends. Every time. And then, when the guys started making teasing remarks on that note, you would shut them down quickly and got angry. I don’t want promises of undying love, but it would be nice to know where I stand here.” Dan crosses hands in front of his chest, and looks at Sebastian.

“I was being an ass, wasn’t I.” Sebastian sighs. “I didn’t know. “ He takes a breath. “You are the first guy I wanna kiss. Ever. I didn’t know what those feelings were, and where did they come from. I knew I like you, but I though that’s just a friend thing. Best friend thins. That I like to hug you, and spend lots of time with, and that I miss you when you’re not around, you know. And then the guys started making these asides, and I started questioning myself. You know that. I was being a homophobic asshole. Or like. Close to that. I think at that point I already knew, but I was scared. And then I saw you in this shirt, and all I could think about was touching you.” 

Dan’s eyes go wide “And you freaked and left! That’s why!”

“Yeah. Remington found me, and I told him everything.”

“What did he say to you?”

“That it’s ok." Sebastian smiles a little. “He didn’t even call me idiot or anything. It was a pleasant surprise.”

“Well, if it makes you feel bit better, I can assure you, that when I talked to him, he did call you an idiot, and an asshat. And told me, that I am an idiot for liking you.” Dan smiles and steps closer to Sebastian again. 

“He knew?”

“I needed to tell someone. Also he guessed it. Unlike you and Emerson, Remington actually notices people around him.”

“Hey!“ Sebastian tries to sound offended, but it comes out very fondly. Also he knows he can be very self-absorbed. What’s happening with Dan is a good example of that.

“What mister ’The world needs more people like me’.” Dan teases and leans on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“Hey…. You love it. “ Sebastian kisses Dans hair.

“God help me, but I do.”


End file.
